Finding Benjy Fenwick
by whitetiger91
Summary: A usual clean up at Order of the Phoenix Headquarters brings a not-so-happy surprise for Marlene and her fellow Order members. Will it bring comfort to her, or will it make her realise just what is at stake in this wretched war?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 **Finding You**

 _ **A/N: Many apologies if this first chapter is a bit boring and/ or very annoying to read. I'll get it beta'd as soon as I can, but as it is, this is very, very late. Whilst Benjy only comes into this chapter a little bit, as one of Cara's favourite characters, he will be featured as the main character of sorts in later chapters, as will Marlene and a few other characters.**_

 _ **This was written as a belated birthday gift to my ff bestie and fellow mod on The Golden Snitch, Cara (Lenore483). I hope you have an amazing year! Xx**_

* * *

"Junk. Junk. Oh, look, more junk!"

Marlene rolled her eyes, finding it harder and harder to control the urge to strangle Sirius. It seemed that the boy's idea of cleaning up the Order's headquarters involved tossing objects from one trunk into another. He was the reason the room was now littered with crumpled balls of newspaper that had not made it into the wastepaper basket.

"The quicker we do this, the quicker we can get out of here," Marlene said, rescuing a Transfiguration textbook from the trunk labelled 'Throw Out.'

She knew that whatever landed in the trunk would probably be set alight by Sirius and Peter, neither of whom seemed to be coping with not being sent on any dangerous missions that week. If the war ever ended and life went back to normal, she was sure some poor kid could use the textbook at Hogwarts.

"You know, we'd be done a lot faster if you would stop saving random junk," Sirius said, glaring over his shoulder at her.

"We'd be done a lot faster if you actually started to clean," she said, moving out of the way as Sirius tried to snatch the textbook from her arms. Swatting his hand away, she stood and placed the book on the small bookshelf lining the bedroom wall. "C'mon, just do what Moody asked and we can get out of each other's hair."

Sirius huffed. "I don't get why we have to clean up here. The room's tidy enough; Prongs and Evans won't mind a little dust here and there."

"James and Lily have a newborn, of course, they'll mind," Marlene said, nudging Sirius with her foot. "And we don't know for sure that's who is going to be staying here. This room is for anyone who needs protection, and it's our job to make sure they have somewhere nice to stay. Now get up off the floor and help or you'll be the one who needs protection."

Very slowly, Sirius stood up. Bending over and reaching into another trunk, he took out a small, leather bound book. "Journal—junk," he said with a smile, tossing it behind him into the 'Throw Out' trunk.

Marlene shoved past him, walking to the junk trunk and fishing out the journal. "Why don't you clear out under the bed?" she asked.

She ignored him as he walked over to the bed and plopped down on it, whistling a tune. Instead, she focused on the book. Running her hand over the soft cover for a moment, she opened it to the first page, wondering if she knew the owner and could return it to them before it was turned to ashes.

Immediately, she wished she hadn't. Marlene stared at the name written in messy black ink, her heart thudding against her chest. Her hands started shaking, and it was only that Sirius got off the bed and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder that she stopped.

"What is it?" he asked, trying to take the journal from her hands.

Marlene shook her head, pointing to the name. "It's Benjy's," she croaked out, her throat suddenly feeling constricted.

Part of her dreaded the moment Sirius would crack a joke about their former classmate having kept a journal, knowing that he might try to make light of the situation. An even bigger part of her, however, hoped that he would. When she turned to him, Marlene saw that his face had turned pale, no smirk on his face.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positive."

Looking back to the journal, Marlene flicked through a few pages, her throat becoming more clogged as she began to recognise the writing. There were very few entries, the writing beginning very messy and growing neater—though only very slightly—in each entry. Stopping at the last, hurried scribble, she saw that the particular entry was dated December 1980, just two months earlier. Two months ago, when he was still alive. Two months ago, when he hadn't been att—

"Do we add it to the pile?" Sirius asked.

Marlene snapped the book shut and shook her head. "I—I'll take care of it," she said, tucking the small book into the inside pocket of her robes.

Sirius regarded her for a moment, his dark eyes piercing her own blue orbs. Marlene tried to fake a smile, but her eyes betrayed her. They begin to brim with tears and she turned away.

Sirius squeezed her shoulder, but rather than ask if she was ok, he changed the subject—something that almost made Marlene forget that she had previously wanted to strangle him. "Where do you want me to start?" he asked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 **Finding Home**

"I don't see why we can't just use our wands. It'll be done quicker," Sirius said.

Marlene ignored him. After only an hour or so of cleaning, Sirius had gone back to his usual whiny self. He was probably right in that most of their tidying could be done with the use of their wands—it surely would have saved a lot of time dusting everything—but since finding the diary, Marlene found she revelled in the distraction that manually tidying up brought.

The bedroom door burst open, drawing both Marlene's attention to a red-faced and out-of-breath Gideon Prewett.

"Black, Marlene, you're needed downstairs," Gideon said. "Fabian and Frank are back."

"Finally, mission time," Sirius said, dropping the dirty sock he held. "Let me guess, they need some muscle on their mission."

Both Gideon and Marlene rolled their eyes, the former turning around and jogging back down the staircase. Marlene followed suit, Sirius not far behind, and entered the small living room. Her heart gave a jolt as she saw that Fabian and Frank had indeed returned, but not in the condition they had left three days earlier.

Fabian was sitting on the lounge, a handkerchief pressed to his nose. The blue checked material was slowly turning red at the same time the boy's face was growing white. Dorcas was bent down at his leg, winding a bandage around his ankle, Peter at the ready holding a tray of potion bottles.

Frank was no better off, sporting a black eye, a split lip, and what looked like a broken arm. Alice was fussing over it, adjusting the splint Dorcas must have concocted when they arrived.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, a hint of a grin on his face as he lightly punched Fabian on the shoulder. "Get into with a banshee again, mate?"

Fabian gave him a weak smile. "Deadd Eater ambush. Sbashed adkle. Sti a'ive," he said, closing his eyes. "Dodding I coud't—ouch—haddle."

Marlene saw Dorcas tug on the bandage with a little more force than necessary. "All done," she said, "You were lucky, that's what."

"Ambushed? How did that happen?" Marlene asked, looking from Fabian to Frank.

"That's what I'd like to know," Moody growled, walking into the room. "You weren't followed?"

Fabian opened his mouth to speak, but Dorcas tipped his head back, handing him another handkerchief. Frank shook off Alice's arm and sat up in his chair.

"Not that we know of. They were ready for us, though," he said, eyes narrowed.

Marlene felt a chill go down her spine. No one said anything, but a few dark looks were shared amongst those gathered in the room. It wasn't the first time that their plans had been compromised before they were even put into action. Someone was giving away information.

Moody was the first to speak again. "Remember, constant vigilance, everyone. I'm off to meet with Dumbledore, but we'll come back to this. Black, McKinnon, Meadowes, help Longbottom and Prewett get settled in. Alice, other Prewett, Pettigrew, send owls out; we'll be moving that meeting up for tomorrow night."

"What? You're not sending me out?" Sirius said, following Moody out of the room.

Marlene could hear the pair arguing about Sirius' unpredictability and Moody's lack of trust as she pulled Frank to his feet. She followed Dorcas and Gideon into one of the bedrooms on the first floor and helped lower Frank onto the bed.

"We've got it from here," Dorcas said, smiling at her. "You can get back to the room if you want."

"Sure, alright," Marlene said.

Whilst she wanted to help with Frank and Fabian, she wanted more to have a little time to herself. Judging by the fact that she could still hear Moody and Sirius arguing outside, going back upstairs would give her that time.

* * *

When she entered the room, she walked over to the bed and plopped down. Running a hand through her loose blonde hair, she tried to calm down. Fabian and Frank were lucky to have gotten away with the damage they had. She knew they were taking risks—they all were. It was what they had all signed up for when joining the Order of the Phoenix. Nevertheless, it didn't stop her from spending hours wondering whether or not she would see her friends again whenever they left for a mission, let alone from memorising their faces in case she didn't.

She wondered if that was how her parents felt. They hadn't been too thrilled when she had joined the Order, let alone when she had become an Auror. Her parents supported witches and wizards doing their share to stop He Who Must Not Be Named and his followers, as long as it didn't mean their daughter was directly in the line of fire. When Marlene had insisted she would do whatever it took to defeat him, she knew it broke her parents' hearts. It had been two months since she had moved into the Order's headquarters, and although she had since made up with them, she couldn't bring herself to return home.

Sighing, Marlene laid back onto the bed and closed her eyes. She should really try to connect with them. She should be happy that Frank and Fabian were ok, and that there hadn't been yet another loss for their side. Taking a deep breath, she settled onto the soft mattress.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as comfortable as she remembered, not when something was poking into her back.

Marlene felt underneath her back, but couldn't find the source. Sitting up, she saw that the mattress was as flat as any other mattress could be expected to be, no springs or coils sticking out. Frowning, she felt inside her robes before realising what had been poking her.

Pulling out Benjy's journal, she ran her hand over the cover as she had done earlier that day. In her hands was one of the few, non-school or clothing related items that Benjy had left behind. From what she had seen the first time, it was something that contained his very thoughts. His memories, his feelings…

Marlene stared at the journal, debating whether or not she should read it. Benjy hadn't exactly hidden it, but that didn't mean he would have wanted anyone to read it.

She could hear someone stomping up the staircase, and she heard them muttering, "Stupid May-Eye, thinking I can't do anything."

She felt the urge to shout something tasteless like, "At least you're still alive," and quickly opened the journal instead.

Benjy wouldn't mind if she read just one entry, would he? Not if it stopped her from starting an argument with Sirius, again.

Marlene flipped the pages open to the first entry, dated May 12th, 1971. It was fairly short, written when Benjy would have been about ten years old. Several lines were scribbled out and there were quite a few spelling mistakes. Nevertheless, Marlene began to lose herself in the untidy scrawl.

 _Dear diary. No, too sissy. Dear Journle._

 _I did not want to write in you at 1st but that felt rude. You are a present from my uncle but not the best present I got today. Let me tell you what hapened._

 _I was helping aunt Rita in the kitchen when uncle Marvin called me in. He looked a bit upset and I thougt he had bad news. I thought mum was trying to get me to live with her again. I did not want that. I even tryed to make a plan to run away if that is what he was going to say._

 _He had a bit of paper in his hands when I walked in though and a rapped up box and told me it was a present for me. I opend the present and it was this diary… you. No wunder he looked upset._

 _Rita came in the room then and was smiling and soon Marvin was smiling to. He then gave me a peace of paper. I am not sure what the paper means but uncle said it was that I was officially adopted by him. I am his kid!_

 _I stuck the paper to this book at the back. I can't write how happy I am! It means no more bruzes, no more hiting from mum. It means that I have a dad now! I was so happy I even let aunt Rita give me a big kiss on the cheek (but don't tell anyone ok?). She was happy she culd finely have a kid. That was the best present._

 _Now I got to go ok by!_

Marlene stopped reading as a tear plopped down onto the page, causing some of the ink to run. She quickly dabbed at it with the hem of her cloak, carefully ensuring that the entry was not permanently damaged. When she was sure it wasn't, she flipped to the back of the book, where a small enveloped had been glued to the book's back cover.

Sliding a finger under the flap, she opened the envelope and took out a piece of parchment. Sure enough, it was the document Benjy had written about. It looked official, proclaiming that Benjamin Simon Fenwick was now a son of Mr and Mrs Marvin Fenwick from the 11th May 1971. It also looked like it had been taken out and read over and over again. Several creases ran across the page at different angles from where it had been folded and opened and refolded again, and a few splotches of what looked like strawberry jam were on the bottom corner of the page.

Marlene tucked the document back into the envelope pocket and shut the journal, feeling more tears sliding down her face.

She hadn't known that Benjy had been adopted by his uncle. She had always assumed that Marvin Fenwick was Benjy's father, for he and Rita were the only relatives Benjy spoke— _had_ spoken of. Marvin was always kind to him, acting like the perfect father, and supportive of his becoming an Auror. The wizard had even allowed the Order to use his home as their temporary headquarters, knowing that He Who Must Not Be Named and his followers would be unlikely to search for him in the middle of a Muggle village. It had always seemed Marvin would have done anything for Benjy, and now Marlene realised exactly how much.

Marlene slipped the journal back into her pocket, regretting having read it. She had thought it would distract her, but now she only felt worse about everything. Benjy was no longer happy, his uncle could no longer care for him, there was probably a traitor in their midst, Sirius—judging from the sound of a door slamming at that moment—still wanted to risk his life, and she was a lousy daughter.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Writing dialogue when a character has a broken/ bloody nose was harder than I thought. I hope Fabian's speech wasn't too confusing. I also hope his diary entry sounded like a** **ten-year-old's** **; I looked at my own writing back then and tried to copy similar speech and spelling patterns, since I can't remember how my students the same age would write.**_

 _ **This chapter focuses a little more on Marlene and the war than intended, and after planning out the next few chapters, I realise she might have a bit more of a storyline than just a fic about Benjy's life. I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless, and I'll be sure to get this beta'd ASAP. All suggestions are welcome, and a huge thank you to my reviewers and followers so far! :) Xx**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Finding Friends**

"I think it's Edgar," Sirius said, folding his arms. "He's been acting too jittery lately."

Marlene glanced at Dorcas, who was avoiding both of their gazes as she nibbled on a peppermint biscuit. Marlene knew that the girl felt uncomfortable thinking that anyone would betray the Order willingly—they all did—and didn't want to hear her friends being accused. Still, the witch knew that someone in the group was giving away secret information, and she seemed willing to help Marlene and Sirius figure out who it was.

"I don't think so," Marlene said, turning back to Sirius. "Hufflepuffs are the most loyal out of everyone. He's just sad because… well, you know."

Edgar and Amelia Bones had received news two days earlier that their father and cousin had been murdered by Death Eaters. Although Edgar pretended he was alright, Marlene could sense that he was dying inside. Everyone was antsy as it was, wondering who would be next.

Sirius surveyed her for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But it has to be someone! What if they reveal where Prongs and Lily are?"

"I'm sure they'll be safe—"

"Shhh." Sirius held a hand up, his head swivelling towards the door. "I think someone's coming," he whispered.

Marlene cocked her head to the side, listening for noise outside. Although Dorcas had cast a charm on the room to prevent anyone from listening to what the trio was saying, they themselves could hear what was going on outside. Sure enough, the telltale squeak of a floorboard in the hallway alerted her to the fact that there was, indeed, someone outside.

Sighing, she copied Dorcas and stood up, brushing biscuit crumbs from her robes.

"We'd better get off to bed, anyway," she said, opening the door. "Night, Black."

"Night McKinnon, Dorcas," Sirius said, turning and flopping onto his bed.

Marlene walked into the hallway, brushing past Peter Pettigrew. She felt a sense of relief that it was only him standing outside. Although she found the boy somewhat repulsive, he really wasn't 'spy' material. Besides, she was sure that Sirius would share anything they discussed with Peter, James and Remus anyway, so if he had heard anything, it wouldn't matter too much.

"Night Marlene, Dorcas," the boy said, his beady black eyes staring at her.

Suppressing a shiver, Marlene muttered a "good night" to him—though it might have been more like a "get lost," and entered the room she shared with Dorcas.

Dorcas, already in her pyjamas, slipped into bed. Marlene sighed, knowing that her friend was probably annoyed at Sirius for even mentioning that Edgar was the traitor. She had always suspected that Dorcas had stronger feelings for Edgar than most of them simply because she had been good friends with his sister in their Hogwarts days, and the thought that he could do something so dreadful was too much to handle.

After changing into her own pyjamas, Marlene hopped into bed. "It's going to be ok, Dorcas," she said, giving the girl a small smile. "Sirius is just antsy because his best mates are out fighting and he's been cooped up inside all week."

Dorcas didn't answer for a moment. She extinguished the candle beside her bed, snuggling further into her sheets. Only then did she say, "Yeah, I know. It's alright, honestly, I just need some time to process everything that is happening."

"I understand."

"Night, Marlene."

"Night, Dorcas. I'm just going to read a bit if that's ok?"

"Sure."

Marlene pulled up her own bed covers. Winter was almost over, but the air was chillier than ever. Wiggling about until she was comfortable, she pulled out the leather bound book she had been carrying around with her for the past few weeks.

She had debated about whether or not she should read any more entries, especially after the last time she did so hadn't brought any of the comfort she had hoped it would. The journal plagued her thoughts, however, and she found she couldn't put it back in the trunk where Sirius had found it. She carried it with her everywhere, and now she found she couldn't resist the urge to read more.

Perhaps Benjy's next entry would make her feel better.

Opening the journal to the corresponding page, she began to read:

 _01/09/1972_

 _Dear journle,_

 _You won't believe where I am now. Go on, try to guess. Wait you can't. Well Im on the Hogwarts Express. Thats right, the Hogwarts Express. I'm a WIZARD!_

 _I almost cried when the owl flew into the kitchen a few months ago. I didnt think I was a wizard. I mean I new uncle Marvin was one but my mum wasn't. Marvin said that it was why mum behaved so awful to me… she was jelous he said._

 _Anyway Im sitting on the train. I can't wait to get to use my wand. What I can wait for is the test to see what house I will be in. Marvin said there isn't any test and that theres just an old hat that sings. But i heard some of the older kids speaking about a test you have to take so I'm a bit nervous._

 _It might be why aunt Rita was so worried. She didn't want me to go because she'd miss me so much and thought I'd get into trouble. She packed me a sandwhich though and gave me a big kiss infront of everyone._

 _I'd better go so I'll maybe tell you more later. I can hear some other kids coming down and they might see me writing in you which might be ever more embarasing. I have to make a good impresion in my new school._

Marlene stopped reading. Across the room, Dorcas was already softly snoring.

She could relate to what Benjy had written about feeling nervous on his first day of school. She, herself, had been riddled with nerves when she boarded the Hogwarts Express her first year. Her older cousin, Amelia, had told her that she had to capture a dragon's egg if she was to be sorted. Marlene had spent hours chewing on her nails, wondering how on earth she would avoid getting burnt.

She had been brave enough to board the train, however, despite her mother telling her she could stay home for another year. Marlene let out a small, bitter laugh at that memory; even over a decade ago, her mother hadn't trusted her to be able to take care of herself, and that was when the war hadn't been striking fear into everyone's hearts.

Turning back to the book, she decided to read the next small entry, determined not to let herself become upset.

 _Alright, I'm back. Hogwarts is even more amazing then I thought it would be! The castle is humungous! About a thousand times the size of our house! I'm so full from the big feast we had tonight. Aunt Rita is a good cooker but whoever cooked dinner for every one tonight is amazing. I wunder if it is the teachers? They look to grumpy though._

 _Guess what? I got into Gryffindor! The lion house. They say only the brave get in to Gryffindor so guess what that makes me?_

 _I also made a few friends allready. Fabian is in my house and another boy called Carodack… Caradac? I cant even spell it but he's nice and likes sports like me. There was also another boy in the year above with black hair that came and sat in our carrage but he's in Slytherin and doesnt really like sport and read the hole time. I like my uncle and aunt well enough but I'm glad I now have some one my own age to talk to. Fabian is lucky because he has an older brother called Gidean. He said I could have his sister but she seemd bossy when I met her tonight._

 _I'm gonna go cause I'm tired and I dont want my friends seeing me write in a diary. I'm glad I have friends._

Marlene found herself murmuring Benjy's words: it's nice to have friends. At only eleven years old, it was almost impossible that Benjy knew then how right he was. It was just a pity that Marlene didn't know which friends she could trust.

She placed the journal onto her nightstand. Just as she went to extinguish the candle sitting there, however, she heard a soft knock on the door. Glancing over at Dorcas to check that she was still asleep, Marlene got out of bed and crept over to the door.

Sirius was standing just outside when she opened the door, a sheepish smile on his face. It didn't quite meet his eyes, though, and his voice seemed unsure when he asked, "Hey, can we talk for a moment?"

Marlene nodded, not bothering to pull on a dressing gown. She followed Sirius out of the room, down the hallway and into the room they had cleaned out. Once inside, Sirius murmured a quick silencing charm on the door, confirming Marlene's suspicions that something was up. Sirius often visited her room of a nighttime, but his grey eyes usually twinkled with mischief when he did rather than avoid her gaze.

She sat on the bed and watched him pace the room for a few minutes. Every so often, he would look at her and open his mouth to speak, only to close it again and sigh. Finally, when she thought she would have to shake him to tell her what was wrong, Sirius took a deep breath and stopped in front of her.

"McKinnon… Marlene…" he began, looking at her for a moment before casting his eyes to the worn floorboards.

"Yes, Black?"

Sirius sighed again, and Marlene was sure he would resume his pacing. He didn't, however, and in a barely audible voice that Marlene had to lean forward in order to catch it, he said, "Do you… Do you think Moody thinks I'm the traitor?"

Marlene blinked, not having expected that. "What? Don't be stupid—"

Sirius held up a hand to silence her, but it was the fear in his eyes as he looked back up at her that kept her quiet. "I'm being serious," he said, no hint of the joking that usually came when he used the word 'serious.' "Really, do you?"

It was Marlene's turn to sigh, and she raked a hand through her messy hair. The truth was, everyone was a suspect in Moody's eyes; it was just the way the man operated. Moody was also probably more inclined to think one of the younger Order members couldn't keep their mouths shut simply because they were new to the war game.

Still, she knew that Sirius was trustworthy, and by the way Moody always made sure that Sirius was safe within the headquarters whenever possible, she could tell that the older man thought that the traitor might be someone who could hurt Sirius himself.

"Of course not, Sirius. Moody trusts you; we all do. Besides, some of the information that has been getting out has been stuff neither of us knew."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but this time it was Marlene holding her hand up to silence him, "And that's if there really is a traitor. Everything that's happened could have been coincidental; I hate to say it, but those Death Eaters do have some brains about them. All we can do is be extra careful and hope that we can outsmart them and anyone who may or may not be working against us."

Sirius kept his eyes locked on hers, and slowly the mischievous glint returned to them. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. You're wrong about one thing, though."

"Oh, what's that?" Marlene asked raising an eyebrow.

"Death Eaters don't have brains."

Marlene groaned at the tasteless joke, but despite it, found herself smiling anyway. Sirius cracked a grin, and soon he was off on a tangent about the tiny size of Mulciber's brain and how it wasn't in his head.

Laughing along with him—and groaning some more—Marlene couldn't help but think back to Benjy's diary entry and his comment about friends. It really was nice to have friends.

* * *

 _ **A/N: So I was feeling a little inspired to write more and thus produced this... interesting... chapter of sorts. I hope you are liking the story so far, and if you have any comments, questions or suggestions, please feel free to review or PM me :) I'm trying to stick to canon as much as possible, but a lot of the Order members' deaths during the First Wizarding War were in 1981 without specific months (except Marlene's), so I am playing around with the dates and order a bit. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to go on a character killing spree in this m/c (although I have a feeling Cara would love it if I did :p).**_

 _ **Have an amazing day, everyone! Xx**_


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